And you touched a little bit about that, you know, being vulnerable with the anger and the shame around that. And really, yes, the first step is that vulnerability around being able to admit that I'm angry and I'm showing up that way. And you have the shame, but the bigger piece of it is figuring out what is underneath, right? Why am I so angry? What am, am I disappointed in my kids because they didn't get some award? Or am I embarrassed because my, you know, family member behaved inappropriately at a party or get together. Whatever it is that is really underlying that overlying emotion is where we have to become and allow ourselves to be vulnerable to feel it. And that's where it takes that compassion and it takes that courage for our, our own sakes for ourselves to begin the process to allow it to be there. Right?
And I think the other piece is also just recognizing that when we have that fear of not being vulnerable with our spouse. I mean, I have even, as I'm speaking, I'm thinking of clients that are like, I don't know why I have such a hard time opening up. I'm married to this person for God's sake. And a lot of it goes back to their fear of I'm not good enough. Fear of what if they leave me right? And these are all those, again, going back to our thoughts that our brain is creating to keep us safe, protect us from exposing ourselves to danger. And that's where it starts with. And now we get to recognize that we don't have to continue that.
Michael: And I'll tell you the other surprising thing about vulnerability. We talked about how when you are more vulnerable in life in general and in your relationships, you build stronger connections. And the incredible part about that is that when you then allow yourself to be vulnerable, if there is something that doesn't go well, maybe there is somebody that judges you, maybe something doesn't go well, you've built up these incredibly strong connections that help you to kind of pick yourself back up and move forward. Right? So for me, as I have kind of bared my soul in a lot of these blog posts, right, and most of them have been really well received, but I knew that even when there was somebody out there on the internet saying something negative, that I had this kind of band of friends and family who were supporting me and the things that I were doing around me, so that when somebody came at me and all of these other people around me that when I was getting knocked down, they were helping me get back up again.
And I think that, that really is the strength in vulnerability is that when you allow yourself to be vulnerable, when you allow yourself to build these deeper connections, you get so much more out of life, but you get so much more out of your relationships and you get to be more of everything. Of exactly who you want to be. Right?
Arpita: Yeah. And I'll just offer that I would like to compete with having haters, right? Because when we have haters, that means we're putting stuff out there that maybe they have an issue with themselves about, right? Haters are fine. That means we're getting out there and we want people to hear the messages. I also just realized thinking about this, one of the areas with this vulnerability I think it shows up again with me with the anger is this, whenever I catch myself being in resistance, like with an employee or with a child or just another colleague, whenever I'm pushing, I feel like I'm pushing really hard against taking a minute to step back and just allowing compassion and just the flow of, Hey, let me be curious here. Why am I pushing so hard? How can I sit back for a minute and just be vulnerable and curious to see what's going on? Why am I reacting this way? That goes back to a little bit, we talked about the awareness too, but right, when I notice that I am really pushing hard for something, I'm, and I'm kind of at odds, just being intentional about taking a step back and saying what's going on? That is allowing vulnerability, right? Because we push, push, push to get our way or fight because we have to be right about something, I want you to take a minute when those, those instances happen and just be a little bit introspective as to why? What am I afraid of here? What's, the danger that my brain is seeking, that I'm trying to protect myself from?