Choose Your Discomfort: How Playing It Safe Keeps Physicians Stuck | Ep11

Michael Hersh, MD

[00:00:00] Have you ever noticed that even when you're trying to play it safe, it's still uncomfortable? It just shows up differently. That low-level frustration that follows you home, the heaviness in your chest before another clinic day, the quiet regret of wondering, is this it? Whether we're living the life we currently have or if we're pushing ourselves for something different, discomfort is part of the deal.
Either way, no matter what the question isn't, if you'll feel it. The question is what kind of discomfort are you choosing using because the life you want isn't on the other side of ease. It's on the other side of discomfort.
Welcome back to Better Physician Life. I'm so glad you're here today. We are gonna dig into

[00:01:00] discomfort, not the draining, stuck kind, but the kind that, if you choose it on purpose, can actually move you closer to the life you want. It's so easy to believe that comfort is the goal, right? We work so hard, and we're hoping that once things calm down, we can finally relax and everything's gonna feel great, but there is a cost to that comfort.
Maybe you've noticed that when we're aiming for comfort, we're frequently circling in the same place. Stability is nice, and it can feel great. But it can also be pretty draining. It can leave us feeling stuck. It can leave us feeling disconnected from our work, from our families, and from ourselves. So when we avoid discomfort, we're not really avoiding discomfort.
Instead, we're just trading it.

[00:02:00] We're trading the discomfort of challenging situations that move us forward. For the discomfort that keeps us exactly where we are, for the discomfort of our current lives. Yes, putting yourself out there speaking your truth, trying something new is uncomfortable. It can feel risky, and it's also where growth happens. So today, we're gonna explore what it means to intentionally choose discomfort. How to recognize the hidden discomfort of staying where we are and how leaning in, even just a little, might be the most compassionate thing you can do for your future. Because if discomfort is gonna be a part of the journey, either way, you might as well choose the kind that moves you forward.
Okay, let's get into it. Like I mentioned, we often think we're avoiding discomfort when we play it safe, stay quiet, or stick with what we know. But what we're really

[00:03:00] doing is trading one discomfort for another. That Sunday night dread that comes over you as you think about another week of clinical work, the frustration over your inbox, or the 10th prior authorization of the day.
The way you scroll on social media at night, exhausted, but unable to put your phone down because the stillness feels unbearable or because it's the only moment all day when you've had a chance to do something mindless and you can just shut off and watch some stuff on social media. That's discomfort, too.
It's the discomfort of staying smaller than we would like or of not trying at all. Of wondering what might have been if we had taken that next step, spoken our mind, or tried something new. Here's the irony. Staying in your comfort zone isn't actually comfortable. It's just familiar. One of my colleagues

[00:04:00] called this the zone of regression.
For all of you dermatologists out there, it's not that zone of regression because we're not talking about melanoma in this case. The zone of regression is a place where growth is rare and regret is common. We go there to avoid failing judgment or embarrassment, but when we do this, we miss the possibility of connection, fulfillment, and becoming who we wanna be.
As physicians, we are incredibly skilled at tolerating discomfort when it comes to things like patient care, long shifts, and learning new clinical skills. But in our own personal lives, not so much. It's completely different. We buffer, we keep busy, we overwork, we overeat, we over doom scroll. We avoid all that discomfort and it's simultaneously.
We keep ourselves stuck. So what happens when

[00:05:00] we choose discomfort on purpose? Growth rarely comes from comfort. It comes from stepping outside the familiar, embracing uncertainty, and letting yourself be seen in a new way. When you let yourself feel the discomfort of vulnerability or the discomfort of saying no, when you've always said yes, you start to build a different kind of resilience.
You learn that you can handle discomfort without letting it stop you. You strengthen the muscles you need to build the life you actually want. Instead of seeing discomfort as something to avoid, what if we saw it as a signal that we are stretching into something new? Something that matters because again, you don't get to avoid discomfort, but you do get to choose it, and you can choose the discomfort of saying stuck or the discomfort of muscle building or

[00:06:00] stretching, or however you want to think about it.
One keeps you circling in the same place. The other opens the door to growth, connection, and possibility, and that is where real change begins. So let's stick with this idea that we can use discomfort as a signal. We've been raised and trained to believe that discomfort means something's wrong, that we've made a mistake, but what if it's the opposite?
What if discomfort is the sign that you are exactly where you need to be to move forward? When we choose to lean into discomfort on purpose, it can become the very thing that moves us closer to the life we want. It's not about suffering for the sake of it. It's about letting the discomfort that comes with reflection, honesty, vulnerability, and change.
Guide us toward what truly matters. This is how physicians begin to reclaim their autonomy and

[00:07:00] authenticity, reconnecting with ourselves and with what we care about the most. And yet, even knowing this, most of us still spend our days trying to outrun our emotions. We stay busy because stillness feels risky.
We avoid trying something new because we don't wanna feel uncomfortable. But the truth is, the hard truth is that everything you want is on the other side of something you don't wanna feel. Let me say that again in case you missed it. Everything you want is on the other side of something. You don't want to feel fear of judgment.
If you're failing, fear of letting yourself down or fear of letting other people down. When we try to outrun these feelings, we often end up burned out and disconnected. We buffer with snacks, doom scrolling, or that second glass of wine, which helps in the

[00:08:00] moment, but the feelings are still there. They just are under the surface.
Then we judge ourselves for buffering, so we add shame on top of that. On top of that, we're hiding. We don't allow ourselves to live authentically or do the things we actually want to be doing. So what's the alternative? It starts with awareness. Name what you're feeling. Is it fear, anxiety, shame?
Where do you feel it in your body? Is there a tightness in your chest, a heaviness in the pit of your stomach? A clenched jaw. Clenched fist. Don't rush to fix it. Just let it be there. Notice it. The moment you observe your feelings without trying to avoid or run away from them, you're no longer at their mercy.
You begin to act from intention, not avoidance, and you start to build trust with yourself. Have the conversations you've been avoiding.

[00:09:00] Take the steps you've been talking yourself out of. There's no way around feeling your feelings. It is part of living a full and meaningful life. And it's also a gift because once you realize you can handle any emotion, anything that comes your way, you realize you can move toward what truly matters.
So let me give you a small everyday example. Sometimes when I'm doing a procedure, things don't go as planned. Maybe the patient moves, or it takes longer to get the equipment I need, and I briefly lose sight of the polyp that I'm trying to remove. In that moment, I might notice that my jaw is clenching or my hands are tightening, and I might even feel a light pressure in my chest.
All of these sensations clue me in. I am frustrated, and now I have a choice. I can lash out, I can complain or

[00:10:00] huff under my breath or roll my eyes, which sometimes I do. Or I can let myself feel the frustration and normalize it. Of course, you're frustrated. Now this procedure is gonna take a few extra minutes, and I'm already behind.
I get to remind myself that any other gastroenterologist in this situation would feel the exact same way, and then I get to decide how I wanna show up. I get to think I've done this before, and I'm gonna do it again, and this, I'm gonna get through this procedure like I always do. I don't avoid the discomfort of the moment.
I don't try to convince myself that everything is fine. I just let my feelings guide me to the physician and the person I wanna be, and that's the thing, allowing ourselves to feel discomfort on purpose is how we grow. It's how we move forward, even when it feels easier to stay exactly where we

[00:11:00] are.
Comfort feels warm and safe. It's a place where nothing threatens us. And who doesn't want that? Comfort isn't motivating. It doesn't push us to try new things or step into the unknown. Comfort keeps us where we are, even if where we are is not where we wanna be. Discomfort, though it pushes us to grow. It clarifies what we want.
It forces us to choose. Do I stay here or do I take a step forward? Discomfort is the price of admission to the life you want. You may not choose all the hard things that come your way, but you'll get to choose which hard things are worth leaning into and how you show up for them, and that shift can change everything.
Think about the times you've grown the most. For me, it wasn't during the easy moments; it was the discomfort of picking up the phone to call a woman I had just met, even though I was

[00:12:00] post-call, exhausted, and petrified of rejection. And yes, I'm talking about the day I met my wife almost 20 years ago.
It was moving a thousand miles away from my home, my family, and everything I knew from my residency. Where I met some of the best friends I've ever had. It was publishing my writing online and risking the criticism, but instead making connections and new friends. It was building a physician coaching business, letting myself be see,n and meeting people who saw more in me than I could see in myself.
And if I'm being honest, it was starting this podcast. And getting to be a part of your daily commute or gym time. None of these moments were comfortable. Each one required me to feel fear and vulnerability and uncertainty, but leaning into that discomfort changed my life. Each uncomfortable choice led to a powerful transformation and a

[00:13:00] small, powerful shift in how I saw myself.
And what I believed was possible discomfort matters because it shows us where the next chapter of growth is waiting. We tend to rise only to the level of our comfort, and when something feels uncomfortable, our brains are screaming that something is wrong. But discomfort is often the path to uncharted territory to becoming who we're meant to be.
On the other side of discomfort are things like fulfillment, purpose, connection, and impact. We often want only the quote-unquote good feelings, things like happiness and ease and joy, but the real gifts often come from leaning into the hard feelings, fear, vulnerability, and discomfort. They aren't the problem.
As the Mandalorian famously said. This is the way time keeps moving. Whether we lean in or not. As physicians, we see more death than we

[00:14:00] wish to admit. We are reminded every day that this moment will never exist again. One day, I wanna look back and know that I explored every opportunity, felt the highs fully, and persevered through the lows.
Lived as deeply as I could. So I'll ask you, where do you wanna be next month, next year, five years from now? Will you keep waiting for it to feel easier before you take the next step? Or will you allow discomfort, fear, and uncertainty to come along for the ride while you take the step anyway? The hardest part is often getting started.
Allowing yourself to feel discomfort while moving forward. But when you do, you may just look back and wonder why you didn't start sooner, and you may find yourself leaning back into discomfort again, not because you have to, but because you're committed to the life you want to create. Because when you stop avoiding discomfort and start choosing it, you begin to trust

[00:15:00] yourself with hard things.
You begin to see yourself as more than a physician holding it all together. You see yourself as a human being, living a meaningful, aligned life. So I'll leave you with a few questions to think about this week. Is there something you're avoiding because you think it will be uncomfortable? What are you willing to feel to get what you want in life?
What's the worst-case scenario if you tried? And how could your life change if you were willing to feel discomfort, not as a punishment, but as the path toward the life you truly want? Because discomfort is part of the deal. Either way. The bigger the goal, the bigger the uncomfortable feeling that comes with it.
Again, fear, uncertainty, vulnerability. These aren't signs. You're on the wrong path. They're signals that you're stepping into something that matters. When you lean into discomfort, instead of pulling away, you rise to meet your own life. You stop circling the same safe places and step into new

[00:16:00] territory.
Territory where you discover who you really are, what you're really capable of, and what it means to live aligned with your values and your dreams. And if discomfort is gonna be a part of the journey either way. Let it be the kind that moves you forward, the kind that opens doors, the kind that brings you closer to your purpose, your joy, your aliveness.
Take your time, go at your pace, but don't stay stuck simply because it feels safer. Remember, everything you want is on the other side of something you don't want to feel. And when you're ready. Take the next small, courageous, uncomfortable step. Thank you so much for being here today, and I will see you next time on Better Physician Life.